Beautiful Beer Bread

This is the same bread recipe as before, but with rosemary in the dough and red onions, roasted red peppers, parsley and tomatoes on top. It was basically an open face sandwich by the time I finished adding stuff.

Lentils a go-go

Dong-A start carrying lentils! A joyful foreigner celebrates!

- olive oil

- onion

- mushrooms

- crushed coriander seeds

- cumin

- paprika

- red wine vinegar

- lentils (these were canned, but c'est la vie ici)
- assorted colours of peppers

- parsley

- tomatoes

- salt pepper

Add everything to the pan in that order, leaving the tomatoes on just long enough to warm them and then top with a poached egg. I also added some plain yogurt after, in an effort to increase my yogurt intake 200%.

Tappa Tappa Tapas

My dinner this fine humid eve.

An assortment of meats, olives, red and golden tomatoes with a fresh loaf of crusty bread and a roasted eggplant dip. Simply, divine.

This is the best bread recipe you'll ever use. Instead of mucking with yeast which can be fickle, you use beer! Beer!

3 cups flour

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tbsp baking powder

3 tbsp sugar

1 can of your finest, cheapest beer

Then you can add flavourings as you like. Here I mixed onions, black pepper and parsley into the dough but I've also done rosemary and I'm thinking of doing an Indian inspired number next. Add some garnishes on the top and shower with olive oil. Bake on an oiled tray for 10-12-15ish minutes? I wasn't counting, just when it's cooked through and not doughy.

Served with a cold lime perrier because aren't we in Europe?!

No, we're not. We're in an Asian shoebox but Homeplus had a sale.

Buenos noches!

Ve can go vegan!

Vegans can be pretentious (no offence, but really, check yo self) and this meal is vegan but I assure you I am as salty as the earth I come from. And my father's a farmer, so I totally know about the salt level of soil.

I'm sure millet is a wonderful thing; several holistic naturopathic well being practitioners on the internet say as much. Fact: millet is high in vitamins E, C and BS. However, if you've eaten plain white rice every day of your life but really only the past year and four months even though it seems much longer...millet is the fucking bomb.

Millet cooks just like rice, but if you toast it in a dry pan it's better and also you can use chicken stock for flavour. Unless you're vegan, in which case just use tears collected from fois gras geese. Or, if you add just a titch more water and some cinnamon you can enjoy millet as a delicious breakfast cereal.

My fancy new computer doesn't have an sd card reader (tf mac?) but I put together a photo booth montage of how to make a millet based dinner.

Start with a base layer of cooked milet. It looks like something between chunky vomit and wet cement here, but not in real lyfe:

Add your veg. I roasted some peppers, eggplant, onion and garlic, but you could do anything. I also had some dried portobellas that I rehydrated and fried (the stems on mine never fully rehydrate, is that weird?).

Here I've added some raw bok choy leaves I picked from my window garden, as well as parsley, sunflower seeds and a mustard vinagrette. I never considered raw bok choy, but I didn't want to cook them because they looked so pretty and I've been waiting months to eat them. They were amazing! I hate to use 'buttery' to describe anything without butter, but they were! Buttery bok choy! Who knew! !

Then mix it up real good.

Eat dat shit!

Bean Burgers

Homeplus started carrying canned beans - huzzah! I can never plan the time to soak dried beans, and now I don't have to! Way to facilitate my laziness Homeplus, now I can make bean burgers at on a whim! Like a crazy person!

1 can kidney beans (or whatevs kind of beans you have) drained, rinsed and mashed

half an onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 tbsp flour

tsp? cumin

tsp? curry

tbsp ketchup

1 egg

Mix it all together, it'll be a little gloopy, but you can just drop it into a pan and flatten it out and it'll fry into a little burger.

The salad is tomato, corn and orange pepper with olive oil and red wine vinegar.

Chicken Pot Pie

I bought an oven! It's a tiny bit of a thing, and the whole thing shakes and hums when it's it's trying to heat itself up, but I love it so.

I don't have pie plates, so I used my Korean metal soup bowls instead. In the future I might pre-bake the bottom crust because it took a little time to get crispy on account of the bowls being quite thick.

Filling:
- Chicken (breasts or whatever) cut up into chunks and sauteed in a little bit of oil.
- Onion, celery, garlic, carrots, any other vegetables you like. Add to the chicken.
- Few tbsps of flour, stir to coat everything

- Chicken stock, add to make a thick stew-y consistency
- Bay leaf, basil, oregano- Let everything jam together in the pot a while.

Crust:
- 1 1/4 cup flour
- 1/2 cup cold butter
- 1 tsp salt
- ice water

Chop up the butter into the flour until it's pea sized chunks. You could use a blender or knives, or your hands but as a last resort because they'll melt the butter and you really want those chunks.

Add water 1 tbsp at a time until dough comes together in a ball. Cover and refrigerate for a half hour. At this point you could also freeze some and save it for another time. Look at you, thinking ahead and everything.

After it's chilled out divide the dough about 2/3 and 1/3 for the bottom and top, respectively. Sprinkle a little flour on the table and roll it flat using a rolling pin, or an empty wine bottle, or a broomstick. After every 2-3 rolls flip the dough over so it doesn't try to become one with the table.

Drape the dough inside the bowl, add filling, put on the roof. You can make some nice wavy edges, or just pinch it together roughly and say you were going for the 'rustic' look. Cut a few slits for the steam to escape then brush with a lightly beaten egg so the top comes out nice and golden. Bake at the bottom of the oven on 400f/200c (?) until the crust is nice and crispy.

Eat it already.

Tomato Soup

I love canned tomato soup, but I don't love it for 3000 won. This soup is a pretty good facsimile of Campbells, becuase isn't that the standard by which we measure all soup?

Tomato's are getting expensive round these parts, so I suggest buying the discount ones, where the hide the rotton side down in the package but you totally know it's there. Some people might shy away from eating partially rotting food, but my dad used to tell me that the mold on bread was just penicillin, so I have no qualms with cutting away the bad parts of a tomato.

Roughly chop 4 or 5 tomatos and throw them in a pot. When they've released all their juices you can blend or mash or smoosh them up a bit and add water (or milk or cream), some bullion cubes, salt and pepper and let it get jiggy for a while. Once it's groovy, add somewhere between a tsp and a tbsp of sugar to cut the acidity. Then run it through a sieve to remove the skins, if you're into that kind of thing, and you're good to go. Grilled cheese sandwhich optional, but recommended. Likewise for sugarless saltines.

Baked Potato Soup

All the flavour of a baked potato in a convenient liquid form for people without teeth or those too lazy to use them.

You'll need:

- baaaaaaacon
- oooonion
- potatoes (4ish)
- milk/water
- bullion cubes
- green onions
- cheddar cheese
- plain yogurt

Fry the bacon in the bottom of your dutch oven. I fry mine straight from frozen after hacking it apart with a not nearly sharp enough knife. When it's crispy, which is the best way to eat bacon imho, remove it and set it aside for later. DO NOT DRAIN THAT GREASE. Toss the onion (chopped) in on top of it and let it get groovy in those juices. We're young, we don't care about cholesterol, right?

When the onions are translucent, add the milk and/or water. Milk is probably preferable but I didn't have enough for soup and breakfast in the morning so I did some of each, about 4 cups total I think. Then add the potatoes that you peeled and chopped and cooked in the microwave, I guess I should have mentioned that earlier. Microwaving is not necessary, but saves some time.

Add the bullion cubes, maybe 2, depending on how much liquid you used. Just taste it, you'll see. Add some pepper and when everything is ready throw it in the blender until it's smoooooth. Top with bacon bits, chopped green onions, cheddar cheese and plain yogurt. Slurp away.


Warning: If your boyfriend says he doesn't want any of your delicious soup DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. Because after you eat the whole thing he's going to change his mind and be all like, "Hey where's the rest of the soup?" and you'll have to admit that you ate it all, "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT??"

Hiatus Over

From now on I will be fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week), getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries. I will write more posts on this blog, they will be better, of higher quality, I will upload pictures even though I am lazy.

Starting....now.

Mushroom Ricotta Dumplings



These beets aren't part of the dumplings, but they're just so pretty. They're basically like a work of art and I tell them so everyday. Their egos got big, but it was worth it.

- half carton of milk (for cheese)
- button mushrooms, chopped
- onion, chopped
- garlic, minced
- salt and pepper
- wonton wrappers, thawed

First, make ricotta cheese (explanation here). It's easy, I promise. While it's draining, fry the onions and garlic in a little olive oil. When they're translucent, add the mushrooms and more olive oil if necessary. When everything's cooked nicely transfer to a bowl and add the ricotta and salt and pepper to taste.The ratio of cheese to mushroom mixture is really up to you.

When you've decided on your ratio, grab a wonton wrapper and fill it with a tablespoon or two of the mushroom mixture. Then fold it in half and seal well with a fork. This is important or they'll leak and you'll cry.


I boiled these and then fried them in butter with some onions. I served them with swiss chard and beets that I boiled and then tossed with balsamic vinegar, which is why they look black in the photo instead of their beautiful purple selves, but they tasted good. The next time I put them in borscht which was even better I think, but more on that later.

Sun Dried Tomatoes and Chz Plz.

The Killer Tomato is a classic Montreal sandwich, rivaled only by the Smoked Meat sandwich and Me Between Two Dudes in tha Club sandwich. Jks, that's also called Smoked Meat.

I picked up some sun dried tomatoes in Taiwan and god bless, they are as good as I remember. For a killer Killer Tomato sandwich you need:

- A few sun dried tomatoes, soaked in H20 for half an hour (save this liquid for later)

- Fresh tomatoes

- Cream chz.

- Bread.

- Basil (optional, but highly recommended)

After the sun dried tomatoes have soaked chop them up in smallish pieces and do the same for the basil. Now smash both into some cream chz and then spread on both pieces of toasted bread. Add a layer of fresh tomato slices, salt and pepper, and enjoy.

The salad in the picture is fresh swisschard leaves, candied walnuts, kiwi, and green apple, tossed in olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

I also used the tomatoes to make a Sun Dried Tomato Basil Pesto. This time you'll need some chopped sun dried tomatoes, a clove of garlic, a bunch of chopped basil, some walnuts (pine if you have them) and olive oil. Then just blast them to smitherines with your mortar and pestal until they're a paste.

I used this pesto with spagetti and homemade ricotta cheese which is totally easy to make. Simply bring a pot of milk to a simmer, not boiling, never boiling, and then add a splash of two of vinegar (depending on your milk quantities) and a pinch of salt. The milk will start to curdle and after a minute of stirring you can just skim the curds off the top of the whey (just like Miss. Muffet!) and put them in cheesecloth or a sieve to strain for 40 minutes or so. Add a little more salt and your in ricotta goodness heaven.

Toss your cooked and drained spagetti with the pesto and some halved cherry tomatoes, the water the tomatoes were soaking in and top with ricotta. Boner in my mouth.

Eggs Benny

Due to lack of Korean options I've had to take brunch into my own hands. Risky business for someone who arbitrarily bite your head off anytime before 10:00am. Still, I will go to the ends and back for eggs benedict.

Hollendaise Sauce
- 3 egg yolks
- 1/2 cup butter
- tbsp lemon juice
- salt

I don't have a double broiler so this is how I got the sauce together, there are other ways if you are equipped for such things. Microwave the butter until it's bubbling. Separate the yolks and save the white for something else abd lightly beat the yolks. While the butter is still piping hot slowly add it to the yolks, whisking constantly. When all the butter pop it back in the microwave for 15 seconds at a time, whisking in between, until it's thickened. If you see clumps you've got to whisk the hell out of it to break them up. The lemon juice and salt and there you have it!

*CAUTION: this makes an obscene amount of hollendaise. As in people with heart conditions need not apply. I would scale it back dramatically in the future.

Latkes

I have Jew envy, beucase all the coolest people are Jewish, obviously, so I make latkes and pretend I'm one of the chosen people.

Peel several potatoes and then run them through a cheese grater. Then strain them with a cheesecloth, or just squeeze out the liquid with your hands. Add 1 egg and a few tbsps of flour, form into cakes and grill in a bit of oil.

Throw it all together on top of toast with some ham and sauteed red peppers. Take the pictures, then go back and put twice as much hollendaise on it. Heart attack here we come.

Pan Fried Pizza

Tired of corn on your pizza? I mean, are you TIRED OF CORN ON YOUR PIZZA?!?!?!?

It wears on me a little bit, so this pizza is certified, 100% corn free.

I used this recipe for the dough, but found out the hard way that the new Korean yeast I bought definitely wasn't instant so take heed and mix it into the water and let it sit to activate before adding to the dry ingredients.

2 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more as needed
3/4 teaspoon instant yeast
1 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, more for cooking
1/2 cup warm water

Mix the dry ingredients together, add the olive oil, then the water plus some more if you need it. Let rise until it's big and pouffy (half an hour to an hour?). Once it's done it's thing you can break off a piece and flatten it out into a crust. Brush one side with olive oil and put it in a lowish heat pan. Once it starts to brown brush the other side with olive oil and flip it over. Then just add whatever toppings you like and they'll melt as the other side cooks. I used a store bought jar of tomatoe pasta sauce becuase I didn't have pizza sauce, but maybe you could find actual pizza sauce here. I'm a hawaiian kind of lady so that's what I did here, but you could throw anything on. Kimchi and corn maybe???

Presto Parsley Pesto

My little basil plant isn't yeilding enough to make a traditional pesto so I used parsley instead and substituted walnuts in lieu of the elusive pinenuts and it made a deliscious, light, summer pasta. Parsley: not just a garnish at Denny's anymore.



Parsley Pesto
- bunch of parsley, chopped - 1500W
- some walnuts, chopped - 5000W for a big bag, I'd say I used 500 worth
- slog of olive oil - probably less than 500 worth
- 2 cloves garlic, minced - 300?
- baby tomatoes, halved - 1000W
- feta cheese - 2000W
- any kind of pasta - 2000W

Get the pasta cooking while you chop up everything. I smushed everything up with a mortar and pestal aftewards, but you can use a blender or your fist or whatever.

Drain the pasta, saving just a splash of pasta water in the pot. Toss everything in, mix to coat the pasta. Season with salt and pecker.

Total cost: 7,800 for two servings. El cheapo.

Grilling Season

I recently dolled out 13,000 for a little bbq and finally got around to using it. After some minor technical difficulties (turns out bbq's are kind of hard to start without lighter fluid) we got these Hawaiian Burgers on and they were well worth the effort.

Hawaiian Burgers
- ground pork. Beef is just too expensive, but pork is a really good substitute. I bought two small packages for a total of 6,000W and it was enough for 4 small burgers
- buns, 3,000W for a bag of maybe 15? They were slider size though
- can of pineapple, 2000W
- red onion, ~500W
- cheese, 5000W
- salt and pepper
- egg, ~500W
Total: 17,000

Toast a bun and crumble it into the ground pork, either with a grater or your hands. Add 1 egg, some minced onion, salt and pepper and gush it all up with your hands. Form the meat into patties, keeping in mind they're going to shrink up on the grill.

Meanwhile...

Teriyaki Sauce
- 1/4 cup soy sauce
- ginger, grated, however much you like
- 1 clove of garlic, minced or grated
- few tbsp brown sugar
- splash of vinager
- two splashes of water
(I consider these household items so I'm just going to estimate 3,000W for everything)

Mix everything together in a pot, add more sugar if you like it sweet or more vineager if you like it tangy. Bring to a boil, stirring often until it thickens.

Brush or gob the sauce onto the patties and then throw them on the grill. Flip once and add a slice of cheese. The time to cook really depends on how thick they are, but you can always just poke inside one to see if it's still pink. I also grilled the pineapple and red onion and toasted the buns and if I do say so, they were fantastic burgers.

Total price: ~20,000W for 4 burgers. Not bad at all.

Pull it Good

A lot of people talk about how expensive it is to cook at home in Korea. While it's true that you can get a free piece of fatty, unseasoned pork just for walking in the door of a bbq place, eating at home can be done on the cheap. I'll prove it:

Pulled Pork with Coleslaw and a Side of Home

- chunk of meat. I couldn't find a shoulder or butt at the store, but I did find a sizeable, not very fatty long piece of pork - maybe a loin? Any cheap cut will do for pulled pork, mine cost 4,000.
- onion - I think a basket on the side of the road is going for like 2,000 for about 10 onions, but if you buy them individually in the store we'll say 500?
- bread - 1800 for a baguette at Bary Baguette

For the bbq sauce:
- ketchup and moustard - as a Westerner you should probably already have this. 1 cup.
- vinegar - like 1,000? or just wring out some old kimchee. 1/2 cup.
- sugar - 2,000 for like a kilo? 1/2 cup.
- garlic - 500 for a year's supply? 2 cloves, minced.
- salt and pepper - basically free.
- soy sauce - my house literally came with this. just a small splash.

For the coleslaw:
- cabbage - 1,000 for a quarter of a head. i used half of it, chopped into shreds.
- carrotts - a bag of 7 was like 900. i used one, cut into slivers
- yoghurt - yoghurt is a healthy and deliscious thing to have on hand, but if not it's like 2,000 for a 4 pack (8 if there's a sale). i used one individual serving for this.
- mayonaise - same story as the ketchup and moustard. Check your fridge your fridge you probably already have it. just a smallish squeeze.
- vinegar - you already got it from the kimchee! just a splash.

So even if you have to buy EVERYTHING from scratch, you're looking at max 13,000 and it worked out to about 3 servings for me. Plus I only used one carrott, one yoghurt, and half the cabbage. SO basically it's about 4,000 per serving AND you'll have stuff for next time. Take that, samgyupsal.

To do:

- season the meat with salt and pepper, throw into a large pot with some onion, roughly chopped and a little bit of water. If you have other seasonings you could play around with that at this stage, if not, don't worry.
- mix the bbq sauce ingrediens together. Keep in mind this is just a basic bbq sauce, you can add anything you want. Maybe some hot sauce? I like to use the free packets that come with pizza. Hot peppers? Chilli powder? Maybe some coffee for a smokier flavour? Some dust collected from the top of the refrigerator? Whatevs, go crazy. Just go bat shit, long sleeved white jacket crazy with this stuff.
- When the meat is about 3/4 of the way cooked through you can throw it in the rice cooker to save on your gas bill. Add the bbq sauce and just let it set a while so everything can get groovy.
- in the meantime chop and mix the coleslaw
- when you're done the meat should be so tender that if you glare at it it'll fall apart. Use the tines of two forks to pull it apart into deliscious little shredded pieces.
- put it on some bread, add coleslaw, and enjoy your hard(ish) work.

This is all very longwinded but I promise easier to do than it sounds. Also, I forgot to mention before, but if you don't want three servings just cut your uncooked meat in half and throw it in the freezer, it'll stay good in there for many moons.

Breakfast BLT

During the week I'm so dead in the morning that I could mistakenly eat a bowl of coffee grinds and not even notice. On the weekends I sleep right past anything reembling mornings, but I still enjoy breakfast whatever the time so this is my take on a breakfast BLT. I replaced the lettuce with basil so I suppose technically it's a BBT, but we'll just let that slide a'ight?

- tomatoe
- basil
- bacon
- an egg
- slices of bread. I used a day old loaf of french bread becuase I like how it stands up to the egg mixture.

Fry your bacon up and put aside. Drain most of the bacon grease (into a container not down the drain guys) reserving a thin layer on the bottom of the pan for favour flav. Lightly beat the egg with a splash of milk and season with salt and pepper. Dip the bread slices in, lightly coating each side and throw them down in the hot bacon grase pan.

*note: vegetabletarians can make this sandwhich by simply replacing the bacon with disappointment. Personal preference.

Meanwhile, slice your tomatoes and rinse off the basil leaves. Flip the bread when it's lightly browned and let it cook on the B side.

When it's done just assemble, pour your coffee, get back into bed, and enjoy.

Spice Swap and Ratatouille

In my infinite wisdom I bought some spices from Costco when we first arrived and I was so desperate I almost kissed the basil straight on its mouth. Now in the light of day though, it's clear I'm never going to use all 12 kilos of it, so, if anyone is interested in taking a portion of cinnamon, basil or a few bay leaves just let me know and I'll gladly dish out a bucketfull for you.

And now, Rat-atat-atat-tat-touille. Otherwise known as the traditional French provencal stewed vegetable dish made famous by...rats. Thanks Disney.

Unlike the strawberries that came and went in about two weeks, the zucchini season seems to be never ending here so I used some to make a stove-top ratatoille with chicken.

I will never in all my days understand why they butcher chickens like they do here. Never. They hack through through the bones instead of following the natural sections of meat and consequently I wound up with these haggared, uneven, pieces of meat that have random sharp bone chips all over. From now on I'm going to break down the birds myself because it drives me crazy.

Anyway, for the ratatoille:

- zucchini, sliced
- eggplant, sliced
- tomatoes, chopped and sliced
- onion, chopped
- garlic, minced
- basil, oregano, salt, pepper

- Slice the eggplant and succhini into semi-thin rounds, sprinkle with salt and leave them to sweat.
- Saute the chopped onion and garlic in some butter until translucent. Add about a half a chopped tomatoe.
- When the tomatoe startes releasing it's juices layer the zucchini, eggplant and tomatoe rounds and add the seasonings. Let it be until everything is coming up roses.

For the chicken, after hunting for a decent piece,I shoved some chopped parsley and butter underneath the skin and seasoned with salt and pepper. I grilled it over medium heat, skin side first, then flip it on its backside once. Done-zo.

Fishy, fishy, fishy

I used to think I liked seafood. Being from the prairies it was always a rare, expensive treat (save for the bottom feeders of the muddy Waskihigan river) but Korea has turned this all on its head. The fish here is so....fishy. Go figure, I know, but there's no other word, it's just...so fishy. Consequently I was hesitant to cook fish myself but I found something that looked like salmon the other day so I decided to give it a go. Whoop, here it is:

Salmon in Lemon Butter Sauce with Zuchinni and Eggplant Ribbons

1 medium zuchinni, ribboned
2 smallish eggplants, ribboned
large chunck of fish, possibly salmon, probably not
5 tbsp butter,
garlic, finely chopped
onion, finely chopped
1 cup chicken stock
zest and juice of a lemon
cherry tomaotes, halved

- Cut the fish into even sized pieces. Season with salt and pepper and marinate in some olive oil.

- Scrub the veggies real good then get your peeler and use it to shave off thin ribbons. This is a little trickier than I thought, but you'll get it. Have faith. Throw some salt on the eggplant and let it sweat a little. It'll talk eventually.

- I cooked the veggies first and then put them aside because I only have two pans. Heat a tbsp of oil in a pan and give the veggies a quick saute. We're talking quite quick if your veggies were as thin as mine. Pull them off before they've fully cooked and put them aside for now, they'll finish cooking when you reheat them later.

- Another tbsp of oil in the pan and then slap your fish down, skin side first. If you've got some pieces smaller than others give the big ones a head start. When the colour starts to creep up to the middle of the meat give it a flip.

- Melt two tbsps of butter in another pan and saute some finely chopped onions and garlic until translucent. Add the zest of half a lemon and a cup of chicken broth. Bring to a simmer and let it reduce by one third. Then add most of the juice of a lemon and about 3 more tbsps of butter, one at a time, whisking between each. Taste, add salt and pepper, taste again, good. If you have a sieve you can strain the onion bits out at this point, or just use as is. Toss in a bunch of halved cherry tomatoes and let them warm up for minute.

- Toss the veggies back in the pan for a quick sec to warm up. Throw it all on a plate. Voila!

Spring, Sprang, Sprung

I took a trip to Seomun market last weekend and in amongst the chickens, kittens and bunnies awaiting their peril I found some fresh peas. I really love to shell peas; I used to spend a week each August hunkered over a five gallon bucket of pods, cracking them open and dumping out the goods. Unfortunately the peas I got were overripe and dry, and I got a horrified bug-eyed stare from a grandpa when he saw me eating the peas straight out of the pod. Crazy foreigner, eating raw peas!

Anyway, I used the peas to make a 'spring-y' risotto. Risotto can be intimidating, but it's really not so difficult and is a really welcomed change from steamed rice, steamed rice, steamed rice.

Here's the deal:

- Heat a few tablespoons of oil (or butter) in the bottom of a pot. Add some chopped onions and garlic and saute until translucent. Add your rice and stir to make sure each grain gets coated in oil.

- At this point you can add a couple glugs of white wine. If you're Amish, or if you've accidentally drank all your wine while waiting for step one to finish, you can skip straight to the broth.

- Your broth (chicken or veggie) should be warm and you should add it only 1 or 2 ladle-fuls at a time, stirring gently in between until it's absorbed.

- Repeat, repeat, repeat until the rice is tender, but still slightly firm. At this point add one more ladle-ful and your veggies. I used peas, chives and basil, but you can use virtually anything. Except turnips. Please don't use turnips, they smell like farts.

- Finish it off with a boat load of parmesean. Or, you know, a reasonable amount.

I served this with some shoddy pork cutlets (I'm still trying to use up those unfortunate pieces of pork). If you do find a nice piece of meat here's what I did:

- Slap your meat down in between two pieces of saran wrap that are bigger than the meat.

- Get a weapon. I used a rolling pin, but if you have a hammer, or a baseball bat, or a rage problem you can use that too.

- Pound it. Smack it out until it's pretty thin, and evenly so.

- Bread it. Dip in beeaten eggs, then flour, then breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbs are hard to find here, but I have a solution: toast a piece of bread then run it through the fine setting of the cheese grater. When you get down to raw bread throw it back in the toaster and repeat.

- Fry, fry, fry. Just a couple of tbsp's of oil and a minute or two on each side and you're done.

The green stuff at the back is a 'salad'. Eat that at your own discretion.

Tomatoes Stuffed with Crabby Mashed Potatoes

I've been feeling under the weather for what seems like forever. I'm not fully sick, but it does feel like maybe there are knives in my throat and some sort of roadblock in my sinuses. When I feel like this I want comfort food and nothing says comfort like not having to chew. Enter mashed potatoes, my old friend.

We were eating these while watching the new episode of The Office, as you do, and all of a sudden Kyle said, "Wait, pause it, pause it. ... This is so good. Why is this so good?" I explained that it was moderatly to extremely unhealthy, hence the delisciousness. But don't let that put you off, you can always work out later, right? Right?

Tomatoes Stuffed with Crabby Mashed Potatoes
4 or 5 smallish potatoes
half a medium onion
3 cloves of garlic
crab meat, however much you like
1 individual sized yoghurt
a squeeze or spoonful of mayonnaise
salt
pepper
parmesan cheese, as much as you can afford.
4 large tomatoes

Peel, boil and mash the potatoes. While they're doing their thing cut the tops off of the tomatoes and scoop out most of the insides (save this for pasta sauce or scrambled eggs or what have you). Sprinkle some salt inside and turn them upside down to drain some of the moisture. Next, fry the onions and garlic in butter or oil until soft and then add them to potatoe mixture. Add the rest of the ingredients, stirring to combine and then carefully fill the tomatoes up to the brim.

In lieu of an oven I cooked these in a water bath. Fill a large pot up with 2-3 inches of water. Carefully wrap each tomatoe in tin foil, making sure the edges or seams of the foil will stay above the water or this will all be soup. Settle them into gently boiling water for a few minutes until the tomatoe has softened. Unwrap and enjoy not having to chew!